For Such A Time As This

I feel a great sense of despair in having to write a blog post this week given everything that is going on. I have no motivation in writing this blog. Here are some of the many thoughts that have gone through my head in the past couple of days since everything has gone down.

• I feel very wronged in a lot of ways by the many things that have transpired. Many of the things that I have expected to have (graduation, more time with my friends, going to class) have been taken from me.
• I always knew that the things I was experiencing were going to end but I thought I knew the timeline in which they would end. I thought I had more time. 
• An odd thought that I have had is what right did I ever have to any of these things? Who said that I was ever guaranteed any of these things? I expected them. As many of us surely did, but there was no assurance in any of the things to come. 

I’ve heard many people say many things about the events that a lot of us are experiencing right now. Many are telling us to “cheer up” and “be thankful”. And I’ve heard a lot of responses from my classmates, many of which I agree with. I want to say a lot of things in response to what people have told me. I want to cry and lament and grieve over what has been. I cannot even think of a future of what will be. I and many of my friends are in distress. It reminds me of Job 6:26. During this time, Job is going through a terrible hardship. He has lost his health, his children, and his wealth. Now, I don’t claim to have experienced the same hardships as Job, but mine have also been pretty hard. Anyway, in response to the harsh words of his friends, Job says “ Do you think you can reprove words when the words of a despairing man are wind?” Job’s friends weren’t that great to him. Instead of helping him through it they blamed Job and said he must’ve done something wrong for God to punish him so harshly (he didn’t).

This verse rings so true to me because it feels like everyone is trying to move us along with everything. I understand the weight of the situation that we’re facing in the world and I understand that I have a certain level of privilege to even be upset worry about leaving college during such an alarming time as this but am I still allowed to grieve? Can I be a despairing man without anyone reproving me? I’ve already spent a lot of time reproving myself and honestly, I don’t need another voice.